I have a deep, deep love-hate relationship with Charleston and the College. I love the gorgeous architecture and courteous people but the trick is that both can turn out to be a facade once you open the door.
The College is back now with students and professors everywhere. From my bed I watch as a constant parade of sweetly dressed girls in flip flops and neatly attired boys in visors march past. Sundresses and make-up are abound as girls prepare for recruitment, sororities and potential new members alike get ready to impress. Last year I made the decision to go through the scary waters of recruitment because I am dreadfully shy and didn't know many people. I am more comfortable talking to males so the idea of this 'rush' process was terrifying. I didn't even own a sundress, let alone know how to put on eyeliner. I made it through the 2 weeks and ended up with sisters I love. Now on the other side of the looking glass I face the same issue, how do I talk to all of these girls without being insanely awkward? How do I impress these girls? Admittedly I am more 'girly' than I was a year ago, now I do own a few sundresses and can put on eyeliner...after a few tries. Sometimes I still don't know what to say to girls. I've begun to understand who I am, I've begun to realize I may never see myself as a grown-up (even at 20 I feel 15). I'll be older and I'll feel younger, I'll seem smarter and I'll be dumber, I'll smile and God knows I'll cry, but for some reason I know I'll get by.
I still can't fully collect my thoughts into...whatever this is meant to be. This is who I am becoming. For those of you reading this (if there are any) in Charleston, Welcome back. For those of you from wherever you may be, think of something witty and say I said it.
It is time to clean, reorganize, and study.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Welcome back to Charleston...
So here we are, the start of a new and I guess beautiful school year at College of Charleston. With a little less than a week till I start classes I know I need to be better about my grades. I have every intention of doing so but at the same time being back reminds me I can't spend all my time stressing over ever little thing. Charleston is just too gorgeous to walk around and not notice the beauty and understated elegance. I now live in the sorority house that overlooks St. Philips street and can, from my bed, watch the city pass me by. It is a wonderful world to live in. My roommate, Kelly, is the cutest thing you've ever seen. Happy and polite, she and I are almost complete opposites but you can't help but adore her anyway. My thoughts are a little disjointed. I'm not back into the habit of writing anymore, my words and ideas are jsut not as coherent as they once were. That disappoints me. I know I said I'm glad to be back, yet I miss being home with the comforts of old friends and the new job. My sisters are amazing and always make me smile, being back reminds me how much I missed them. The transition is always going to be difficult. We sing a lot in the sorority, I didn't know that till this week, the songs won't get out of my head.
A woman walking by my window wearing a bright summer dress (probably from a store on King street) stops to talk to a student in a t-shirt and jeans (grungy almost to the point of awkwardness) they both seem to respect each other. Or so they're body language implies. I've missed this a lot. 20 years old. Still feel somewhere around....well I don't really know. I haven't felt a certain age since I was 14. oh well. Where do we go from here?
New medication, miss driving, less tired all the time, more irritable. Won't know if it works for another couple of weeks. Cross your fingers.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
A woman walking by my window wearing a bright summer dress (probably from a store on King street) stops to talk to a student in a t-shirt and jeans (grungy almost to the point of awkwardness) they both seem to respect each other. Or so they're body language implies. I've missed this a lot. 20 years old. Still feel somewhere around....well I don't really know. I haven't felt a certain age since I was 14. oh well. Where do we go from here?
New medication, miss driving, less tired all the time, more irritable. Won't know if it works for another couple of weeks. Cross your fingers.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
Saturday, August 8, 2009
hello again fellow bloggers and lovely readers whoever you may be where ever you may reside. It has been a while, I know. A quick recap. Freshman year over. Summer vaca not so vacation-y. Working as an attendant at the Spiderman ride at Islands of Adventures. Fun, weird people....very weird. Guess I fit in. Saw a few movies. Had a few adventures. The truth is I needed a break from writing. I complete break, I've been reading a lot but no writing. None. I guess I knew I needed to pick up a pen again when I passed a church sign that read "Those who are almost saved are totally lost" and immediately felt the need to write it down and add "Those who are totally lost are saved" I just thought my version was more...correct?
My dad has a new kitten, very cute. Named it Tribble. Get it? she's deaf and gets into EVERYTHING! Learned how to cook, including tempura, lobster, spicy mac and cheese, baked halibut, spicy chicken. lots. Learned to like rollercoasters. Go figure. Learned to dislike tourists a little more, we all saw that coming. How were your summers? Count down to move in day...8 days. See Charleston soon, Miss Orlando already.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
My dad has a new kitten, very cute. Named it Tribble. Get it? she's deaf and gets into EVERYTHING! Learned how to cook, including tempura, lobster, spicy mac and cheese, baked halibut, spicy chicken. lots. Learned to like rollercoasters. Go figure. Learned to dislike tourists a little more, we all saw that coming. How were your summers? Count down to move in day...8 days. See Charleston soon, Miss Orlando already.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
Sunday, May 31, 2009
disjointed and incomplete
For the last week and half or so I have been cleaning my room. Now this isn't just a quick sweep and throw all the dirty clothes in the hamper. This is a total clean out and reorganization of 20 years of stuff. I started out with the intention to clean out my life; a physical manifestation of the spiritual refurbishment my life has undergone this year. Refocusing, regrouping, and rethinking my life. As I began going through my stuff I found things that held memories both good an bad that I just am not ready to part with. I don't know if I will ever be ready to let go of those memories. This is leading me to realize that maybe it is my memories and who I was and already am that needs to come with me as I move on to who I will become. So as I pull out my diploma that only a year ago I was so relieved to receive and store it and my many high school memories away, I know they'll still be there next to the box of ex-boyfriends and my grandmother's old jewelry. I know the good and the bad those memories will be there for me when I'm ready to confront or accept them. There is so much more I want to say but there is only so much I CAN say these days. To whoever is out there in the oblivion and has control: Maybe a little help would be great.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Things that I've learned
Things I've learned as my first year at college comes to an end
I'm sure this is the post everyone has/is/will do but after my year I know I've learned a lot. Way more than I anticipated.
1. I do NOT want to be a writer
2. Greek life isn't satanic
3. It is completely possible to work over 100 hours on a show and not realize it
4. Styrofoam anvils don't work
5. Midnight shows are the best kind
6. I am too shy
7. Pick up lines work on drunk college guys
8. Elbow bumps are THE way to say 'what's up?'
9. Palmetto bugs really are bigger in the palmetto state
10. I over use the words belligerent and obstinate
11. Failing isn't the end of the world
12. Failing is the end of the world
13. Never tick off the costume designer
14. Purple bow ties and green pants DO go together
15. My parents are amusing…to my friends
16. Even if you fail the class it was worth taking for the people you meet
17. Nothing is better for insomnia than a midnight walk to the battery
18. The flowers at harris teeter are like cliques in middle school
19. Red yarn is in fact evil
20. I share too much at 3 a.m.
21. Running and screaming on the beach is therapeutic
22. Being ready for the real world is overrated
23. Pigs and cows are best friends
24. Don't trust anyone with a camera
25. How to apply eye liner
26. I suck at pool
27. Pool is a dirty game
28. Drunk people like blueberry pop tarts, talking loudly, and watching pool
29. College may start but high school will never end
30. Bowen Island restaurant is the best
31. A sledgehammer is the perfect anger management
32. I'm always where I need to be
33. TAs are solely for the amusement of the girls in the back of the room
34. My cousin is jailbait
35. If you misplace your thumbs you will never live it down.
36. Even if you aren't close friends with your roomie they can be the coolest person you know
37. It is okay to pray for a good lab group. If you get one you are the luckiest (I was)
38. Coffee + Vyvanse =VERY BAD
39. Faulty logic is easily identified but no one will ever fix it.
40. Sometimes a rough start can end up being the best relationship you've ever had
41. It's ok to mix punk rock and hippie, they go well together
42. Homemade food is the best, even when you don't really have to tools to make a dinner properly
43. The best memories are spontaneous moments
44. Spending 5 hours on the beach isn't a good idea when you're pale
45. It is possible to start acting/talking like someone when spending too much time with them
46. Always check the weather before going out
47. Retail therapy works
48. Pet stores are dangerous, you'll always come back with a fish.
49. Cards and board games are necessary.
50. It's not that hard to sacrifice everything if you really believe in what you're sacrificing for
51. Friendship's a lot sweeter after a blowout argument
52. When you wear a skirt, it will be windy.
53. I'm oblivious to emotions
54. Professors are people
55. In the end everyone is a theater major
56. There is a reason it is called the drama department
57. The men show up at college at the end of the semester
58. The first year of college is the break-up year (or the break-up, get with new person, break-up year)
59. The shit dorm can be a good place to be.
60. Drunk people insist on smashing glass.
61. You either lose or gain the freshman 15. It goes both ways, like the girl who lives in the room next to you.
62. Yes, girls do react like guys.
63. Coffee=crack
64. Don't trust college elevators
65. Always be prepared for a fire alarm at 3 a.m.
66. It's perfectly alright to tan in the park.
67. Whiskey bad, sleep good
I'm sure this is the post everyone has/is/will do but after my year I know I've learned a lot. Way more than I anticipated.
1. I do NOT want to be a writer
2. Greek life isn't satanic
3. It is completely possible to work over 100 hours on a show and not realize it
4. Styrofoam anvils don't work
5. Midnight shows are the best kind
6. I am too shy
7. Pick up lines work on drunk college guys
8. Elbow bumps are THE way to say 'what's up?'
9. Palmetto bugs really are bigger in the palmetto state
10. I over use the words belligerent and obstinate
11. Failing isn't the end of the world
12. Failing is the end of the world
13. Never tick off the costume designer
14. Purple bow ties and green pants DO go together
15. My parents are amusing…to my friends
16. Even if you fail the class it was worth taking for the people you meet
17. Nothing is better for insomnia than a midnight walk to the battery
18. The flowers at harris teeter are like cliques in middle school
19. Red yarn is in fact evil
20. I share too much at 3 a.m.
21. Running and screaming on the beach is therapeutic
22. Being ready for the real world is overrated
23. Pigs and cows are best friends
24. Don't trust anyone with a camera
25. How to apply eye liner
26. I suck at pool
27. Pool is a dirty game
28. Drunk people like blueberry pop tarts, talking loudly, and watching pool
29. College may start but high school will never end
30. Bowen Island restaurant is the best
31. A sledgehammer is the perfect anger management
32. I'm always where I need to be
33. TAs are solely for the amusement of the girls in the back of the room
34. My cousin is jailbait
35. If you misplace your thumbs you will never live it down.
36. Even if you aren't close friends with your roomie they can be the coolest person you know
37. It is okay to pray for a good lab group. If you get one you are the luckiest (I was)
38. Coffee + Vyvanse =VERY BAD
39. Faulty logic is easily identified but no one will ever fix it.
40. Sometimes a rough start can end up being the best relationship you've ever had
41. It's ok to mix punk rock and hippie, they go well together
42. Homemade food is the best, even when you don't really have to tools to make a dinner properly
43. The best memories are spontaneous moments
44. Spending 5 hours on the beach isn't a good idea when you're pale
45. It is possible to start acting/talking like someone when spending too much time with them
46. Always check the weather before going out
47. Retail therapy works
48. Pet stores are dangerous, you'll always come back with a fish.
49. Cards and board games are necessary.
50. It's not that hard to sacrifice everything if you really believe in what you're sacrificing for
51. Friendship's a lot sweeter after a blowout argument
52. When you wear a skirt, it will be windy.
53. I'm oblivious to emotions
54. Professors are people
55. In the end everyone is a theater major
56. There is a reason it is called the drama department
57. The men show up at college at the end of the semester
58. The first year of college is the break-up year (or the break-up, get with new person, break-up year)
59. The shit dorm can be a good place to be.
60. Drunk people insist on smashing glass.
61. You either lose or gain the freshman 15. It goes both ways, like the girl who lives in the room next to you.
62. Yes, girls do react like guys.
63. Coffee=crack
64. Don't trust college elevators
65. Always be prepared for a fire alarm at 3 a.m.
66. It's perfectly alright to tan in the park.
67. Whiskey bad, sleep good
Monday, January 26, 2009
I have a confession
I have a confession to make, honestly in the spectrum of confessions it’s not that bad. I skipped class this morning because I was reading the CarePage for my beautiful baby cousin, Kristen. My mother sent me the link for it today and upon checking my mail I immediately opened it and began reading. I haven't even crawled out of bed yet.
The story behind Kristen is inspiring and scary at the same time. Kristen is the 8 year old daughter of my cousin, Greg, and the most beautiful and happy child anyone could imagine but she was 18 months old the doctors discovered a tumor behind her left eye after she was suffering from terrifying seizures. She underwent radiation and surgery to remove the tumor because of where the tumor was located they couldn't remove the entirety of the tumor without completely damaging her optic nerve. After everything they were able to force the cancer into remission. Kristen grew into a beautiful and loving girl with a caring older brother, Ryan, and a mischievous younger brother, Colby. Greg and Kim raised this family with more love and determination than most people can muster in their entire lives. Earlier this year the doctors noticed that Kristen's tumor had begun to grow again. During December of 2008 and January of 2009 Kim and Kristen lived in an apartment in Boston across from Mass General while Kristen was receiving proton treatment. Kim updated a CarePage for Kristen periodically giving information about the treatment and their stay in Boston. When I begin to doubt humanity and the goodness in people's hearts I will just have to read Kim's updates to remember how many people; strangers, friends, and family, came to their aid during such a scary time. They sent care packages, letters, cards, and even received free tickets to games. The bravery and strength of Kristen, Greg, Kim, Colby, and Ryan is beautiful.
The last update Kim posted truly brought me to tears. There was a short piece written by Ryan, Kristen's 10-year-old brother, for his Lake Highland class. It was the classic “who do you admire most?” essay with one exception. The essay was about his younger sister. As I was reading it I couldn't help but cry at how much this little boy loves his sister and really does admire her spirit and demeanor. Even as I write this, just remembering his words, I'm crying again. Her story may sound like something out of Chicken Soup for the Soul but its true and its...well, as much as I've already said it in the past few paragraphs...beautiful.
The story behind Kristen is inspiring and scary at the same time. Kristen is the 8 year old daughter of my cousin, Greg, and the most beautiful and happy child anyone could imagine but she was 18 months old the doctors discovered a tumor behind her left eye after she was suffering from terrifying seizures. She underwent radiation and surgery to remove the tumor because of where the tumor was located they couldn't remove the entirety of the tumor without completely damaging her optic nerve. After everything they were able to force the cancer into remission. Kristen grew into a beautiful and loving girl with a caring older brother, Ryan, and a mischievous younger brother, Colby. Greg and Kim raised this family with more love and determination than most people can muster in their entire lives. Earlier this year the doctors noticed that Kristen's tumor had begun to grow again. During December of 2008 and January of 2009 Kim and Kristen lived in an apartment in Boston across from Mass General while Kristen was receiving proton treatment. Kim updated a CarePage for Kristen periodically giving information about the treatment and their stay in Boston. When I begin to doubt humanity and the goodness in people's hearts I will just have to read Kim's updates to remember how many people; strangers, friends, and family, came to their aid during such a scary time. They sent care packages, letters, cards, and even received free tickets to games. The bravery and strength of Kristen, Greg, Kim, Colby, and Ryan is beautiful.
The last update Kim posted truly brought me to tears. There was a short piece written by Ryan, Kristen's 10-year-old brother, for his Lake Highland class. It was the classic “who do you admire most?” essay with one exception. The essay was about his younger sister. As I was reading it I couldn't help but cry at how much this little boy loves his sister and really does admire her spirit and demeanor. Even as I write this, just remembering his words, I'm crying again. Her story may sound like something out of Chicken Soup for the Soul but its true and its...well, as much as I've already said it in the past few paragraphs...beautiful.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Change.
We talk about change a lot. Today is especially full of talk because today is the day President elect Barack Obama became President Barack Obama and though I heard the oath given over a small radio in a convenience store and the speech sitting in my learning strategies class ( I'll return to that subject later) I had a lot of trouble truly feeling the change. I know it happened, I know it's important, I know in 30 years when someone asks me where I was I will be able to remember but I really don't at this moment feel the importance as I did when he won the election. Oh well, maybe I'm just trying to be a little too sentimental about it. There was a mysterious package outside of my lab today, so I didn't go...there was a cougar alert about it.
There are things in my life I need to change. Things I need to put away and start thinking about the important things. Like surviving school. That's where Learning strategies comes in. I'm taking this class because I am on academic probation, fun stuff right? I recognized the failings I made last semester, even as I was making them but I couldn't stop myself. I just continued on and on. I failed because I couldn't even get out of bed some days. Pretty lame. This semester I'm taking on more responsibilities and I have to pass all my classes. I don't really know why I'm saying all of this other than its cathartic.
Sometimes I get the feeling people aren't being honest with me. Why does everyone have to prove that they're so confident and self-assured when it's obvious that none of us really are? I don't know anything and I always feel like I'm pretending to be so, well, right. Please stop lying to me.
lots of love, peace out.
Izzy
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